how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I am midnight drunk by noon
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
