Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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