Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
