Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
