DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
