The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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