I feel like I'm in dance class right now
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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