Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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