New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
