Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
