if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
