What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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