Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
