I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
