I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
