well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
