my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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