What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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