p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
