its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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