How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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