Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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