I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
