I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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