I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
