im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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