The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
