I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
