I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
