My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
