I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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