Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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