You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
