Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
