stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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