I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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