He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
