not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
