i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
