he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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