Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
