it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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