Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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