I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
