were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
