Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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