God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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