I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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