Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
