I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
